You named your child WHAT?



There are so many websites out there which have thousands of names listed. All sorts of weird and wonderful meanings. Often made up meanings by some internet guru with absolutely no qualification whatsoever. But there are some that have beautiful meanings. Those are special. But what if you give your child a shit name?

Yes a Shit name… In an attempt to be ultra unique and super-duper special, often to much thought goes in to picking a name and 99.99% of the time it misses it’s mark. Everyone is special, we all deserve to be happy, we all deserve to be free of persecution and ridicule. So I ask with tears in my eyes, Why the fuck would you give your child a life long hurdle to overcome every time they introduce themselves??
“Hi my name is Antwaniquanesha….” (Ant- waan-Neekwa-neesha)

Thanks to Google: I’ve found a few that have been labelled as the worst kids names:

Eighmey –  Just spell it like it should be. Amy… Do you know what’s going to happen for the rest of her life? Any time there is a roll call at school or any team sport “Eeghh-mey?! Where is Eeghh-mey?”

Shay’lenn Heavan Nevaeh Hope – FFS – it’s a name not a competition. And she’ll only be able to write her full name after grade 5. Stop it… A first and second name is fine even a third if you really must. However- IF your nationality/religion requires you to take on your mothers maiden name and so on, then yes go ahead. Eg the Greek name: “Paptheodorokoumountourogianakopoulos”

Alucard – WHAT? What is an Alucard? Sounds like engineering term or factory/company name.

Rebluntay – Re-Blunt-ay? Stoners… there’s always one leading the way.

And please for the love for all that is holy… Stay away from TV/Movie names like Neo, Kahleesi, Legolas, Aragorn, Daenerys, Sansa – In fact just stay away for Lord of the Rings, Matrix and Game of Thrones. But there are some cool famous names – Breaking Bad’s Aaron and Logan from X-Men fame, Skyler and so on… Just use your discretion. As we did.

Some key points and guidelines when picking a name:

  • Just because it SOUNDS COOL, doesn’t mean it is. Say it a few hundred times, and IF at anytime it sounds strange, it probably is.
  • Does it rhyme with anything derogatory? Franny the… and Chuck the…
  • Is it the same as the surname? Stephen Stevenson is a prime example.
  • Will they be bullied or ridiculed by other children? – You need to remember that while children grow up they only start to learn about compassion and respect as they develop. At stages they are particularly nasty little pieces of work and will easily gang up on the “odd one out” – I don’t need a scientific study to tell me this, I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

A particularly important one for me was “You never know how many people you dislike until you need to pick a name for your child” – Every time I was presented with an option I remembered someone I didn’t like or had a disliking towards who had the same name. “Cassandra? No… I knew a Cassandra, she was a bully.” Some history on Cassandra – Aged 9 in primary school. Not a nice young lady.

So ultimately- Don’t pick a name that will remind you of someone you hated, you might end up indirectly disliking your own child.

For complete transparency, we named our daughter Mila-Jean. (Pronounced – Mee-Lah) My Google search on her name shows: “Define Mila: Mila is also a derivative (English) of the Czech, English, Indian, Italian, and Slavic Milana. Mila is also a contracted form (Czech and Slavic) of the Czech and Russian Miloslava.”


Mila – Girl’s name meaning, popularity, and origin. What does Mila mean? Slavic for “industrious” and “hardworking” and Russian for “dear one.” It’s an abbreviated form of the names Milena, Ludmila, and Camila. Well-known Milas: actress Mila Kunis.”

Origin of Mila

Meaning: Mila

We are not Russian, Czech, Indian, Italian, nor Slavic. The above is not why we chose it. We chose it because it’s not the most popular name and WE have always like the sound of it. The -Jean part is from my Mrs’s Grandmother. Mila’s Great Grandmother.

An unplanned bonus: She now has a nick name. MJ.

I’m not here to discourage unique and different names, by all means name your child “River Leaf Sunshine-Unicorn the 3rd”… But remember, the next 10 years at least, will be tough on your little human.


Beginners Advice…

Beginners Advice…

So you’re going to be a Dad… for the first time. And you have no flipping clue as to what to expect… Well that’s exactly what I was thinking. There is no “All Dad’s Need to Read this” kinda manual… You just need to wing it. Well there’s a plethora of “Parenting advice” from Google and other parenting sites… Much like this one. but they often give “The Perfect Parent” advice where it will only make you feel inferior as you will never be as good as them… I call bollocks on the majority of those sites. I was a reader, and a researcher of the “New dad” posts, but came to realise that the writers are fathers of 4+ children and provide no real input other than regurgitating the already perfect world father posts found online. This is where I will go a step further. I’m not going to sugar coat anything. I will, and always promise to be 100% truthful with you as the new Dad or new Dad to be.

So let’s get a few things straight… Any idiot can make a baby, but it takes a real man to be a father. An old, but always true saying. Next, being a father doesn’t mean you stand there bewildered as your wife/better half does EVERYTHING for the child. Because then, you become a spectator more than a father.

Possibly THE most important thing that you need to realise – The world you knew, is now GONE. Your Sleep, Gone. Personal time, gone. (At least for a undisclosed time) You now exist for one reason, to look after and care for this helpless little noise and poop-maker. Your first few weeks will be the roughest of your life. You will forget about the worries of yesterday, as you will now be focused on this living breathing extension of you.

So, if you are worried about changing a dirty diaper/nappy – You need to get over that shit FAST. Leaving your better half to deal with every soiled mess is sure to end in tears. Get your fucking hands dirty my friend.

Being a new father also has it’s joys, you get to experience exactly what it’s like when your wife has to deal with a very drunk you. A drooling, unhappy and very often dirty mess. You get to see the small fragile pale skinned “alien looking”  human come in to this world and grow. Yes you will notice everyday how fast a baby grows.

This is just an intro to what I call the first few stages of fatherhood. I am yet to experience the terrible 2’s and Thank God it’s sleeping 3’s – But we will get there.

If you’re reading this because you and your happy wife are looking forward to creating a family for the first time… Think LONG and HARD about the following things:

  • Are you REALLY sure you want to have a child?
  • Have you owned a pet and had the thought of “Wow this is hard work!”
  • Do you want to take on the biggest responsibility of your life?

Then yes… By all means, try and have a baby. It’s the best part… but remember once that baby comes, it will take ALL of you to make it work. I’ll leave it there for today.

Come back soon for another installment of Rad Dad or Bad Dad…